


never any goodbyes

by greedlings



Series: badthingshappenbingo [4]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: AND just after suffering game, Canon Compliant, Gen, Lucretia-centric, Regret, and just after gerblins, canon-compliant character not-death, pre-gerblins, that doesn't make sense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:55:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22982881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greedlings/pseuds/greedlings
Summary: Lucretia never got to say goodbye, not really, but she only let herself regret that fact twice.
Series: badthingshappenbingo [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1643200
Comments: 6
Kudos: 12





	never any goodbyes

**Author's Note:**

> fic #4 for my badthingshappen bingo card! a friend suggested lucretia + never got to say goodbye AND I'M. ALWAYS WAY TOO EMOTIONAL ABOUT LUCRETIA FOR MY OWN GOOD SO HERE WE ARE.
> 
> if you would like to suggest a fic, head over to my pinned tweet on twitter at @/greedlings_ and req something! i also have a fluff bingo going if that's more your style, though you'll have to dig a little for it haha
> 
> oh yeah also i paraphrased lines from the podcast itself to make more sense for the fic but they are pretty much straight from the podcast.

It was hard for Lucretia to say goodbye to her family, although truly, there were never any goodbyes when she stole their memories. But relocating them felt, in a strange way, like a goodbye, no matter how temporary she planned for it to be.

Her boys seemed happy in their new worlds; Merle walked through the sandy beaches, fingers intertwined with a beautiful dwarven woman; Magnus thrived in the Hammer and Tongs, his incredible woodworking skills on display for all to see; and Taako, oh Taako, who Lucretia had had so much trouble relocating, seemed so content with his new cooking show, the cameras and lights and  _ attention _ all for him and him alone.

Of course, he didn’t have Lup with him, but he could never remember that he missed her, her absence leaving a hole in Taako’s heart that he could never know how to fill.

She searched for Lup still. And Barry. Of  _ course  _ she searched for them. They were her  _ family _ .

But they were nowhere to be found.

After wiping the memories of her family, her search for the missing members led her to the ground around the Starblaster. She searched for ages for any sign of Barry; if the newly broken rail on the deck of the ship was anything to go by, Barry  _ had _ to be on the ground.

Gods, she hoped he was dead before he hit the ground.

She only found the smallest signs of an impact, just the marks where something had hit the ground, hard. But there were no signs of Barry’s body, only the sad, flattened grass and barely disturbed earth where his body must have hit.

Oh  _ gods _ , Barry was a lich. And if he was a lich, all of his memories would still be intact.

He’d know what she’d done.

Lucretia broke down, kneeling over the spot where her dear brother had died—or, at least where his body had landed. Would he hate her? Barry wasn’t the type to hate, but that was under normal circumstances, and these were  _ not _ normal circumstances.

She felt a small hand rest on her back, and turned to find Davenport standing behind her. He looked so  _ worried _ . He didn’t even know what for.

Still, he held her while she sobbed, gently patting her back in an effort to console Lucretia, even though he couldn’t know why he cared so much about her. Lucretia tried  _ so hard _ to find comfort in her captain’s embrace, but it only increased the flow of her tears; her captain, so dedicated to his cause that it became his life, and now, because of her, he couldn’t remember any of it—not his crew, or his mission, or even his expertise. Lucretia had taken everything but his name. 

How  _ could  _ she have? What  _ right _ did she have to steal  _ everything  _ from the people who had once called her their sister?

And yet it was much too late to hesitate, and Lucretia knew this. She kept as much attention as she could on finding her missing crewmates, her brother and sister lost from time and memory, but the relics were hidden just as well as her missing family members. 

It pained her already shattered heart, but she had to put the search for Barry and Lup to the side. She couldn’t let her grief sway her from the path she had set for herself.

*****

There were only two times after that that she let herself regret her actions.

The first was the day she first reunited with her remaining family. They were fine, albeit a little bloodied by their encounter with the Phoenix Fire Gauntlet.

_ Lup’s _ Phoenix Fire Gauntlet.

The thought tried to waver Lucretia’s friendly smile, but she couldn’t break character in front of her boys. Instead, she continued her explanation, giving Taako, Magnus, and Merle information that, had Lucretia not taken away, they would have known, and intimately at that.

It was so offhanded; they were joking about their previous adventure, heavy jokes that fit the fact that an entire town had simply disappeared, turned to glass on the surface of Faerûn. Memories of the people now gone.

_ I wish we could bring Billy Bluejeans back. _

_ It was  _ Barry  _ Bluejeans. _

_ He must have made a _ real _ impact on you _ .

Barry?

They had met Barry?

That shouldn’t have been possible. It just…  _ shouldn’t _ .

But clearly Taako was  _ very _ sure of his words.

Was it simply a coincidence? This world was  _ eerily  _ similar to their home world--of course, there were the glaring differences in the sky, but otherwise it was nearly identical--so perhaps there had just been someone with the same name. The same DNA. Merle was close enough to the Rockseeker’s to be related by blood, so perhaps…?

But there was no other Lucretia. No other Taako, or Lup, or Merle or Magnus or Davenport. It was unlikely that there would be another Barry.

Did he somehow survive his fall from the Starblaster all those years ago? Was he doomed to wander aimlessly, the logo on his robe a mess of static and no other memories or connections in this plane? 

Or had his body died, and somehow Barry, in his lich form, fabricated an entirely new body? Would that body have retained Barry’s memories like she knew his lich form would?

Lucretia couldn’t afford to let her boys know their offhand comment had shaken her. She kept her smile, and feigned exasperation at their antics that deep down she had missed with every inch of her body.

That day, after the boys had left for their mission, Lucretia triple-checked her lich-proofing. She couldn’t risk anything, even if it meant she’d have one more member of her family by her side once more.

*****

The second time she regretted what she had done, Lucretia’s heart was as heavy as it had been the day she fed Fischer their story.

She had  _ known  _ that Wonderland was more dangerous than anything else she or her family had ever encountered. She had felt  _ firsthand _ the pains and terrors that that awful place--fueled by the foolishness of her family--wrought. She had trained them for as long as she could, had made sure the Tres Horny Boys--as they called themselves--were ready.

So why had Magnus died? Magnus, of all of them she thought, was the most likely to get out of there intact. 

Although he  _ had  _ always been the kind of person to put himself between danger and his friends. 

It didn’t matter anymore, though. Magnus was gone, whisked away into the astral plane, along with Lucretia’s hope to one day receive another of his hugs. He had always given amazing hugs.

She sat alone in her office for a moment, resting her weeping face in her hands. They had been  _ so close _ to being reunited, to being a  _ family  _ again, even if Lucretia doubted they would ever truly trust her again. 

In the beginning, Lucretia thought that that was a small price to pay; they would finally be safe from the hunger, free to live actual lives. But now, after so long living without her family by her side, she wasn’t so sure. As it was, Lup was still missing--although Taako had found her umbrella, she had no other leads as to Lup’s whereabouts--and Barry was conspiring against her. The others were already losing what little trust she had managed to build in the years they’ve been together again. They were secretive and wary of her motives and Lucretia  _ knew  _ that even though her goals were coming to fruition, at the rate she was going she wouldn’t have a family to save.

But she had a job to finish, and she couldn’t let the crippling dread that filled her every thought and movement stop her from completing her goals. She had the Animus Bell now, and now she had the Light of Creation on her side. She could finally save the world.

Her heart sank at the thought of a world without Magnus.

But she forced herself to act through the heaviness in her heart and the tears still spilling from her eyes, leaving cold trails down her cheeks. She was almost finished.

**Author's Note:**

> comments are always appreciated <3<3
> 
> you can find me on tumblr @/greecllings and on twitter @/greedlings !


End file.
